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[MacReady13]

I just had a lengthy conversation with my 65 year old mother. I’m 42, middle of my working life (maybe a bit over the middle) and she has finished working (health issues had a major part). We were discussing a couple of cousins she visited with my father who is also 65 but is 66 next month. These cousins are in their 70’s and have travelled and lived their lives. My father was the more dominant parent in our household and as such, was always tight with money.
That isn’t to say nothing was ever purchased but, if I was living with them in my younger days, I’d get asked why I spent money on this and that.

My mother is a huge Elvis fan and she’s always wanted to go to Graceland. Their cousins went and told them how amazing it was (we live in Australia). So anyway, my father has decided he’s retiring next year. Has plenty of leave entitlements up his sleeve and my mum has told him that next year or the year after, they’re going to the USA to visit New York and see Graceland.

Now I’m happy for them, especially my mother who has wanted to travel her whole life but it’s always about saving. I said to my mum you’d think with the amount of money you guys haven’t spent that you’d be millionaires by now (they aren’t)…

My thinking then turned to me and my wife and kids and why we aren’t enjoying life more. Why am I sitting here ”saving” when saving is pretty hard in todays climate. Both myself and my wife work full time. We are lucky enough to not have to pay for childcare as my parents and in laws look after our kids if work gets in the way. So why don’t I travel? Why can’t I put money aside each year? Why do I always think that saving will get us out of trouble yet it never really does… I know of many friends who have travelled overseas with their kids and say it’s really changed them and their kids lives around.

Is it selfish of me to think this way? Is it better to save and put money on the mortgage or save that extra money and the family on that big trip every now and again? I have 4 kids. My eldest turns 13 next month and pretty soon they’ll all be out and about doing their own shit. I really want to enjoy my time with them now.

TLDR- pondering my future, should I travel or stay home and pay off mortgage and travel later…

Sorry for the ramble and maybe it’s a mid life crisis type thing but I’ve been having these thoughts above recently and thought I’d ask some fellow gaffers for some advice. Hopefully you all aren’t too harsh on me! Just learning as I’m going…

 

[Grildon Tundy]

Only you know what's best for you and your family.

Having said that, I doubt many people look back on their lives and think, "Wow, I really shouldn't have gone on that vacation with my family 30 years ago."

To me, there's a difference in "frivolous" spending between buying yourself a new car because you want it vs creating memories with your children

 

[Northeastmonk]

I can tell you that paying off the mortgage is something you should consider before spending your entire savings. My wife and I paid off the house and before that we paid off all my college loans. We are planning on a cruise to the Bahamas early next year and we want to go to Japan in 3 years. We are in our early to mid-upper 30’s. It wasn’t easy, but we had to stick to a plan. We did Dave Ramsey’s program. The plan that has you save a $1,000 and then throw everything else at debt. It worked for us. We still track spending, we have a college savings fund for the kids, and we save whenever we can. We don’t have this huge savings just because life happens, but we also don’t have a mortgage to pay. We can pay for medical or throw money towards a trip with the money would could have had to pay on the house.

What if you go on a couple trips and you come back to being in debt because you took the trip. What if the car breaks down a week later or some other miscellaneous problem. You not only spent what you had on your trip, but you’re having to focus on paying the mortgage payment. I realize this won’t be for everyone, but that’s how I see it. There’s a saying Dave Ramsey has and it is “If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else". If you hit your debt hard now, you will see results. Don’t tell yourself that you will eventually do it. What we had to do was take action and make it happen. The debt eventually went away. We also did our own debt free scream too. That’s if you’ve ever listened to his show.

 

[StreetsofBeige]

Id reco it's your money. Do what you want with it. Some people save, some people live pay cheque to pay cheque even though they make good money. A good buddy of mine makes more money than me but is just one of those guys whose like "I cant take it with me". He's one of those guys who buys nice dinners and wine every week like it's nothing. That's his lifestyle. He even asks me why I dont join him and live it up. I'm just not like that.

All I'd recommend is save enough so if something bad happens you're covered. But if you built up a giant mound which you know you'll never use it all up, then do what you feel is right with the excess.

For me, I make a good living, my family members all have more than me so I'll never be broke. But my natural tendency is to save and only spend money when I feel like it. I prefer buying fam members and my nieces and nephews cool fun gifts for bday and Xmas. Its not to brag, but growing up as a kid I always loved when my parents or siblings got me good shit so I've carried that on. Nothing is better seeing people love the gift you got them vs. seeing their faces go Meh seeing a lousy gift which looks like I bought it that day for $20 an hour ago. Even if I won $1 million, I'd probably just pay off my house, take friends and fam out to dinner and invest the rest. I'm just not a born a bred spender or traveller. And I'm not someone to go out and buy a Porsche even I had oodles of moneybags beside me.

 

[MacReady13]

All I'd recommend is save enough so if something bad happens you're covered. But if you built up a giant mound which you know you'll never use it all up, then do what you feel is right with the excess.

Dont get me wrong, we have a decent amount of saving just in case something goes wrong. My whole thing is, if I decided that we would go to the USA this time next year, I could put away enough for the trip but is doing that something I should consider or is it better to get the mortgage paid off or paid to a respectable level THEN consider the trip? I’d never leave my family with no savings. Im just in that quandary of going away and living today like there’s no tomorrow (with enough savings FOR tomorrow) or think about the future and go away once we are comfortable with our mortgage being at a lower level or, better yet, paid off like the poster above?

 

[bitbydeath]

If I didn’t have holidays when I was younger and I looked back today and saw I was only ever working then I would think that would be quite depressing. Money isn’t as important as making memories.

 

[ahtlas7]

If there are places you want to see and visit then go, there may never be another chance. You never know when the next ‘thing’ may shut the world down.

 

[FunkMiller]

To be frank, your first consideration must be the welfare of your kids ahead of your own. That‘s the price you pay for having them… but if you genuinely think you can afford to travel with them, that isn’t of detriment to their upbringing and future, then why not?

Have you been around Australia much? Plenty of places to see that are really different from one another, and not too expensive to get to.

 

[AJUMP23]

You should do some of each. Part of a healthy financial life, is living within your means. Don't kill yourself to pay off your mortgage. Do pay off all other debt. You should also save to travel. That is how I handle it. I put away money every week for travel expenses and we have a travel fund. So that when we travel we can do what we want. Normally that account sits at 15k US. And I do it by putting $200 a wk in the account. You can do less and still travel well. Most of our vacations cost around $3k to 5K. Plan a percentage for retirement (15% is normal), and for expenses. I don't know what your home mortgage rate is, but you should probably not put a ton extra on it.

If you plan and have the right behaviors with money you will be fine. Enjoy what you earn while you can. Your kids will only be young for a short time. do things with them, take them places to teach them things.

I am currently thinking about taking my kids to Europe, so they can see something different. We have been to places like Yellowstone, Philly, Virginia historic Triangle, Disney, Beaches, Savannah, Smokey Mountains, Wrestling shows, and many more. (Covid did cost me $1500) in non-refundable plane tickets to the Grand Canyon. But everything was done without debt.


Graceland is pretty interesting I have been there twice. Do not stay in a hotel near Graceland though as that part of town is garbage now. Elvis Birthplace in Mississippi is also a cool little museum. Tell your parents to stay near Beale Street downtown. There is a lot to do and see there. And you can take a taxi to Graceland. Also have them go eat at GUS fried chicken. It doesn't look like much, but it is incredible fried chicken.

 

[synchronicity]

There is no tomorrow. It's only an idea. When it comes, if it comes, it will still be today.

I'm not saying that planning for *potential* scenarios is necessarily bad, but there's a lot to be said for returning to the moment, to living for now.

 

[jshackles]

I haven't had a proper vacation in over 15 years, so I can't really say shit. Thirteen years ago, I got a "really good job" but it was in a place with a much higher cost of living. I knew what I was getting into, but I didn't know at the time that my "really good job" would eventually start cutting my benefits (a little bit here and there) and that the cost of living would go up a little bit here and there (although the last few years have been like a speed run).

I'm fortunate that I was able to raise my family and provide what they needed. I also am able to spend a bit on my hobbies (mostly gaming). I finally was able to buy a house in 2020, and that's finally changed things around where I'm no longer living paycheck to paycheck. I'm planning a vacation for next year, although as soon as I started that I got an unexpected $10,000 medical bill. So, maybe in 2024.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you have the means to do so without bankrupting yourself, spend what you can on making memories with the people you love. My kids are grown now - I may have been able to give them a roof over their heads and food to eat, but I never had any money to, like, take them to Disneyworld. It is what it is, but saving is a bit overrated if you don't know what you're saving for.