God's Hand
Banned
Okay so long story short. I put my FUCKING PROFILE AND PICTURE ON A DATING SITE, and this girl msg'ed me. I checked her profile, and she has no picture. So whatever, I'm not too anal about that. I'd prefer a small Japanese girl, but who am I to be picky.
So she and I start talking and I kinda feel a connection. She thinks I'm cute, and awesome... she even called me God. So what the fuck, she has a vagina and some semblance of intelligence, so I'm all for her.
Then she sends me her picture. Okay, maybe there's 40 small Japanese girls trapped in her, but all I see his this mountainous Jabba the Hut with glasses and an even bigger ass. She claims she's 22, but man does she look older.
Well, fuck. I'm still thinking vagina and I ignore what she looks like. See, there are guys out there who aren't into looks. We talk on MSN for another day and we even get into sexually explicit conversations, such as me telling her how big I am, and her telling me how many guys she's been with... WAIT. What the FUCK? You've been with "so many guys, I'm experienced lol" YOU FUCKING WALKING CUNT. Okay, yeah, originally I was into the whole vagina thing. But not now. Knowing she's been around the block more times than Michael Jackson as a block parent pretty much turns me off.
She goes on to tell me she's had threesomes. I'm like... okay, that's cool. Two girls and a guy. I'm there for that. But no. It's TWO GUYS AND HER. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. That's so gay and straight it confuses me and makes me in between soft and hard. Like jello. But fucking stupid me says "Oh man, that sounds so hot."
Fucking slut. Then she tells me she SMOKES. I SAID IN MY PROFILE NO FUCKING SMOKING, BALOOGA SPERM EATING WHALE. She goes "Oh... yeah, you probably won't like this, but I smoke a little." Uh, well if you had any respect for me you'd buzz the fuck off right about now. But stupid me... I say "Yeah, that's no problem lol... I don't judge anyone for stuff like that." Fuck my stupid ass. Rape me already, I'm so fucking easy to take advantage of.
But next day at work, I talk about it with my female friend/co-worker, and she told me to send her an email to end it. So I'm like... I don't want to sound harsh, so I basically tell her I don't think we have similar intersts or morals or beliefs, but we can still be friends!
Fucking bitch emails me and says she's tired of always being dumped, putting this whole fucking thing on me. So FUCKING DUMBASS ME, I start talking to her again on MSN. One thing leads to another, and my pants are down to my ankle as she describes the sexual acts she'd do to me.
Well whatever. I was feeling fine about her. I can dig a fat chick who thinks I'm God, and wants to pleasure me all day. Cheaper than a hooker. But... then I decide to call her.
Jesus Joseph Mary Christ of Latter Day Saints. She sounds 40. She's really 22, but she sounds fucking 40. It was the most unsexy thing I've ever heard. I had this perfect picture in my head of what she sounded like, and it was shattered within minutes of her tarred lunged tobacco stained toothed mouth saying said "Oh hi Don... I'm so happy you called".
The phone call just ended a few minutes ago. What do I do. I do not like her. I do not want to ever think about her again. If I block her, I'll feel bad for some FUCKING STUPID REASON. She probably knows my phone number now too. And I'll feel like shit if I tell her AGAIN that I don't like her.
What the hell do I do? I'm thinking of suicide as a quick way out. Also, I am never ever doing this online dating shit again. I've been against it from the beginning, but some WHORE at work told me OH NO GO AHEAD IT'S GREAT! IF YOU DON'T LIKE SOMEONE LOL YOU JUST BLOCK THEM LOL! You dirty henious harlot streetwalking swamp slut. I don't like the idea of shopping for a person. Why did I ever fall into this trap.
KILL ME NOW!
So she and I start talking and I kinda feel a connection. She thinks I'm cute, and awesome... she even called me God. So what the fuck, she has a vagina and some semblance of intelligence, so I'm all for her.
Then she sends me her picture. Okay, maybe there's 40 small Japanese girls trapped in her, but all I see his this mountainous Jabba the Hut with glasses and an even bigger ass. She claims she's 22, but man does she look older.
Well, fuck. I'm still thinking vagina and I ignore what she looks like. See, there are guys out there who aren't into looks. We talk on MSN for another day and we even get into sexually explicit conversations, such as me telling her how big I am, and her telling me how many guys she's been with... WAIT. What the FUCK? You've been with "so many guys, I'm experienced lol" YOU FUCKING WALKING CUNT. Okay, yeah, originally I was into the whole vagina thing. But not now. Knowing she's been around the block more times than Michael Jackson as a block parent pretty much turns me off.
She goes on to tell me she's had threesomes. I'm like... okay, that's cool. Two girls and a guy. I'm there for that. But no. It's TWO GUYS AND HER. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. That's so gay and straight it confuses me and makes me in between soft and hard. Like jello. But fucking stupid me says "Oh man, that sounds so hot."
Fucking slut. Then she tells me she SMOKES. I SAID IN MY PROFILE NO FUCKING SMOKING, BALOOGA SPERM EATING WHALE. She goes "Oh... yeah, you probably won't like this, but I smoke a little." Uh, well if you had any respect for me you'd buzz the fuck off right about now. But stupid me... I say "Yeah, that's no problem lol... I don't judge anyone for stuff like that." Fuck my stupid ass. Rape me already, I'm so fucking easy to take advantage of.
But next day at work, I talk about it with my female friend/co-worker, and she told me to send her an email to end it. So I'm like... I don't want to sound harsh, so I basically tell her I don't think we have similar intersts or morals or beliefs, but we can still be friends!
Fucking bitch emails me and says she's tired of always being dumped, putting this whole fucking thing on me. So FUCKING DUMBASS ME, I start talking to her again on MSN. One thing leads to another, and my pants are down to my ankle as she describes the sexual acts she'd do to me.
Well whatever. I was feeling fine about her. I can dig a fat chick who thinks I'm God, and wants to pleasure me all day. Cheaper than a hooker. But... then I decide to call her.
Jesus Joseph Mary Christ of Latter Day Saints. She sounds 40. She's really 22, but she sounds fucking 40. It was the most unsexy thing I've ever heard. I had this perfect picture in my head of what she sounded like, and it was shattered within minutes of her tarred lunged tobacco stained toothed mouth saying said "Oh hi Don... I'm so happy you called".
The phone call just ended a few minutes ago. What do I do. I do not like her. I do not want to ever think about her again. If I block her, I'll feel bad for some FUCKING STUPID REASON. She probably knows my phone number now too. And I'll feel like shit if I tell her AGAIN that I don't like her.
What the hell do I do? I'm thinking of suicide as a quick way out. Also, I am never ever doing this online dating shit again. I've been against it from the beginning, but some WHORE at work told me OH NO GO AHEAD IT'S GREAT! IF YOU DON'T LIKE SOMEONE LOL YOU JUST BLOCK THEM LOL! You dirty henious harlot streetwalking swamp slut. I don't like the idea of shopping for a person. Why did I ever fall into this trap.
KILL ME NOW!
