levious: I can do whatever the fuck I want, with complete impunity. Go read the weeping Wendys at OA for further proof.
Evilore, Slo: As mentioned previously, stories associated with black males' impressive genitalia has served us well in nailing white women left, right, and center. It's not stealing if they come to us, am I correct? Regardless, I'd advise you to take a page from a good friend of mine's experiences - his father actually had him attach weights to his penis immediately upon waking up, and would walk around the entire day with the weight pulling and stretching on his member. After doing this for several years, he swears up and down that his cock now compares favourably with any pornography actor out there, straight or otherwise. I'm willing to take his word on it, so feel free to try it and get back to me around 2010 with a progress report. Alternatively, you could 1) be cocky and/or funny, 2) use the aforementioned weight stretching technique with your tongue, or 3) make a lot of money. You'd be surprised and amazed how many women enjoy spending time with men who have lots of money.
elitehebrew: The innate ability of hotsauce to bring out the "flava" (that's blackspeak for "flavour") in one's food is common knowledge in black households. Our tongues are able to withstand the heat that other, lesser races cannot - and as such, sprinkling a bit of hotsauce on everything from ice cream to porridge is as natural as breathing. If you're willing to take a shot for the team, try some mild Tabasco sauce - it's a bit like taking a shower with a raincoat on, but everybody has to start somewhere.
Sirpopop: My friend, there are people galore just waiting to help you in learning the inner-city dialects native to many urban centers. I suggest you travel to East St Louis, or Main and Hastins here in Vancouver, throw your hands to the sky and yell with all your might "ANY Y'ALL COAL BLACK MOTHERFUCKERS GONNA HELP ME OUT?" Assistance should be forthcoming shortly.
human5892: Actually no - some of my best friends are white people. They say the funniest things - I find white people absolutely adorable!
calder: I believe Jarome is going to move to a more "urban-friendly" center than Calgary...funnily enough, Vancouver keeps coming up in idle conversation. More than that, I cannot say.
Neo_ZX: Where did you park? Did you lock your doors? Most insurance companies recommend that you store all valuable out of sight before leaving your vehicle, along with using an anti-theft device in conjunction with an alarm. If you have a removable faceplate, I suggest storing it inside the trunk of your car to avoid an unfortunate incident.
iapetus: I haven't met them personally, but if they're anything like the good whites I know, I'd be happy to have them over for a cup of tea.