Legal Step
Member
Please post all your J. Allard fanfiction here.
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J. Allard Fan Fiction Launch Day stories
- Thread starter Legal Step
- Start date
Rabid Wolverine
Member
:lol
Legal Step
Member
trilobyte said:
That reaction proves you are only thinking in three dimensions. Think 360...
Date of Lies
Banned
It was a breezy november morning, I had slept in and got up later than usual. After a few jumping jacks and a gatorade, I sliped on my spandex suit and started my morning jog. Reaching downtown I saw a large group of people huddled together near the Best Buy. Covered in sweat, I walked towards them. I had totally forgot but tomorrow was Xbox 360's release date and all of the nerds of america were crawling up from their holes and trudging to their nearest electronics store like a pack of zombies.
After a few kids told me their were waiting here since 5 AM, a bald man grazed my shoulder and whispered in my ear "may I speak to you?". We went towards the back of the store where the 360 delivery truck was parked next to his car. The man stoped sundenly as I was trying to catch up to him.
"Do you smoke weed?" the man asked and started rolling a blunt on the hood of his Sedan.
"Only sometimes", I replied as he put it into his mouth and sparked it.
After a few exchanges, I was beginning to wonder what was going on. Then it hit me, this was the guy I saw in that mtv xbox 360 trailer a few months back.
"You're J Allard right?" I said, passing it back to him.
"That's right, I'm surprised you know me, you clearly don't fit in with the rest of those fat geeks. They don't have anything better to do than queue up to spend 500$ on some console. I am so tired of having to humor those guys."
"But wasn't the Xbox 360 about cathering to the mainstream, about the casual gamer. What about Velocity Girl?"
"That's all a bunch of bullshit!" he screamed out while keeping his composure. He took a final puff out of the finely rolled joint and steped on it. He then opened the door to his Sedan with his strong arm and, in a commanding voice, told me to get in.
"But leave the spandex outside"
After a few kids told me their were waiting here since 5 AM, a bald man grazed my shoulder and whispered in my ear "may I speak to you?". We went towards the back of the store where the 360 delivery truck was parked next to his car. The man stoped sundenly as I was trying to catch up to him.
"Do you smoke weed?" the man asked and started rolling a blunt on the hood of his Sedan.
"Only sometimes", I replied as he put it into his mouth and sparked it.
After a few exchanges, I was beginning to wonder what was going on. Then it hit me, this was the guy I saw in that mtv xbox 360 trailer a few months back.
"You're J Allard right?" I said, passing it back to him.
"That's right, I'm surprised you know me, you clearly don't fit in with the rest of those fat geeks. They don't have anything better to do than queue up to spend 500$ on some console. I am so tired of having to humor those guys."
"But wasn't the Xbox 360 about cathering to the mainstream, about the casual gamer. What about Velocity Girl?"
"That's all a bunch of bullshit!" he screamed out while keeping his composure. He took a final puff out of the finely rolled joint and steped on it. He then opened the door to his Sedan with his strong arm and, in a commanding voice, told me to get in.
"But leave the spandex outside"
The dropship blazed through the atmosphere of 21st century Earth just shy of ten A.M. PST, burning four holes in the parking lot blacktop as its retro-rockets fired. The four or five dozen lined up outside the Glendale, California, Best Buy stared in disbelief as the rear hatch of the craft opened. Inside were space marine Master Chief and Microsoft executive-cum-spokesman J. Allard. Both were armed with battle rifles. Both began firing before their feet touched terra firma. The fans cheered, pumping their fists in the air as bullets tore through their flesh.
The light of the neon aura of the Best Buy signage danced across his silky smooth dome magnicently as he strode from his exotic sports car -- a Ferrari. I couldn't see the license plate but I can only assume that it was 8 characters of pure attitude that appealed directly to my demographic, as did his affection for me.
There I stood underneath that signage, mouth gaped as I tried to keep my composure. J Allard was here and it was for something much bigger than the XBOX 360 launch. It was for love.
A week prior to this, I was online, laying waste to the weak in a barrage of red shells and lighting bolts. The Allard-Mobile was in top form. It was then that I met a rival so intense in his pursuit of first place that it could have only of been him.
HIROPROT
We raced like only men could race; racing and pacing and hugging the turns. In the end, I would fall to his incredible skill and talent. J Allard, being the most gifted individual to ever wear a sports coat and play video games, I accepted my loss.
The next morning I awoke in a cold sweat. The haunting memory of Allard chasing me down the circuit was in my dreams. I couldn't get him out of my mind. Unable to sleep, I checked me email. My heart skipped a beat upon opening my inbox.
-----Original Message-----
From: Allard, J
To: Rea, Jared
Subject: Sup homeslice?
Body: "Do you like bread?"
There I stood underneath that signage, about to become man. He held a rose, a bottle of Mountain Dew and my heart.
"Do you like mountain biking?" he asked. I had to say yes.
There I stood underneath that signage, mouth gaped as I tried to keep my composure. J Allard was here and it was for something much bigger than the XBOX 360 launch. It was for love.
A week prior to this, I was online, laying waste to the weak in a barrage of red shells and lighting bolts. The Allard-Mobile was in top form. It was then that I met a rival so intense in his pursuit of first place that it could have only of been him.
HIROPROT
We raced like only men could race; racing and pacing and hugging the turns. In the end, I would fall to his incredible skill and talent. J Allard, being the most gifted individual to ever wear a sports coat and play video games, I accepted my loss.
The next morning I awoke in a cold sweat. The haunting memory of Allard chasing me down the circuit was in my dreams. I couldn't get him out of my mind. Unable to sleep, I checked me email. My heart skipped a beat upon opening my inbox.
-----Original Message-----
From: Allard, J
To: Rea, Jared
Subject: Sup homeslice?
Body: "Do you like bread?"
There I stood underneath that signage, about to become man. He held a rose, a bottle of Mountain Dew and my heart.
"Do you like mountain biking?" he asked. I had to say yes.
Musashi Wins!
FLAWLESS VICTOLY!
:lol
Mac the KNife
Member
:lol
So, J Allard shows up to the Target where i was camped out, and proceeds to hand out tickets for 360s. When it was my turn to receive one from the godly hands of the
emo-exec i panther punched him in the balls which caused him to buckle over in pain; this position placed his freshly shaved dome at waist level. I quickly seized the opportunity and proceeded to drum out "Bust a Move" on his dome for a good 7 seconds.
emo-exec i panther punched him in the balls which caused him to buckle over in pain; this position placed his freshly shaved dome at waist level. I quickly seized the opportunity and proceeded to drum out "Bust a Move" on his dome for a good 7 seconds.
It was a cold tuesday night in my small town of Evesham, the fog was getting thicker as the mist rose heavy in the air. I pulled on my tan suede boot's getting ready to go, today was the day i thought to myself as i examined the scrap of torn off paper in my hand, "one pre-order for the xbox 360" was scratched onto its top, underlined with a code, a guarantee.
As i briskly walked, taking long steps towards my destination, the mist restricting my view, ahh! a hand, a boney fingerd hand wrapped around my arm, holding me tight the tobbaco stainned tips digging in as a rancid wet breath feeled my side, "pretty things, Yes?" "so so pretty" the high wisper continued, not wanting to turn my head to the stench and still beign fixed to the spot by the strangers hand, "Who are you!" i announced, "oh! , ask as you do." weazing louder "you may know me as the" "A ah aaah ha!" the what!, turning my head it was gone, the laugthter leaving into the fog, "SCREW U ALLARD!" fool me once shame on you!
As i briskly walked, taking long steps towards my destination, the mist restricting my view, ahh! a hand, a boney fingerd hand wrapped around my arm, holding me tight the tobbaco stainned tips digging in as a rancid wet breath feeled my side, "pretty things, Yes?" "so so pretty" the high wisper continued, not wanting to turn my head to the stench and still beign fixed to the spot by the strangers hand, "Who are you!" i announced, "oh! , ask as you do." weazing louder "you may know me as the" "A ah aaah ha!" the what!, turning my head it was gone, the laugthter leaving into the fog, "SCREW U ALLARD!" fool me once shame on you!
Ninja Scooter
Member
I awoke this morning to the faint sound of a rooster crowing. As i got up and rubbed my eyes, i noticed, just through my slightly blurred vision that the cupboard door was open. It was strange, i thought. I could have sworn i had closed it the night before after i had made myself a tasty glass of rich chocolate ovaltine. As i walked into the kitchen to close the cupboard, a cockroach ran across the room. It scurried away from my foot and ran underneath the sink. This was not a very uncommon occurance in my kitchen, but there was something different about this cockroach. Something strange. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, so i just decided to put it out of my mind and get on with my day. As i finished washing the dishes the phone rang. Who was it? I don't know. So i answered it. It was a phone recording from Blockbuster Video, asking me to return the DVD of LA Confidential. But i had never rented it.
Kobun Heat
Member
"Gentlemen, what I need is a slug."
I'd been standing outside the EB Games on the corner of Powell and O'Farrell for eight hours and had been asked for change fifty times. The junkies were out in full force plying their trade; twelve noon was a particularly sketchy time of day in the Tenderloin.
"Sorry, I actually need this money," I said. "You're not the only one who needs to buy crack later." Just at that moment I noticed a gleam in his one good eye, which drew my attention to his glasses. Square-rimmed. It couldn't be, I thought. But the more I stared at him and he stared at my wallet, I knew it had to be the man whose picture was sticky-tacked onto my Samsung 26W.
My head swam with the math. Here was a 37 year old pretending to be a 25 year old pretending to be a 78 year old. But I didn't have time to work out whether or not that fit the Pythagorean Theorem or not, because in a flash he had thrown off his flea-bitten Navajo blanket and filled the entire block, up to the Borders and even down to the Carl's Jr., with a radiant lime-green light.
"BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED," the iridescent figure shouted, "I AM J ALLARD!"
"I thought you were in the desert or some shit."
"I HAVE RETURNED FROM THE DARK WORLD AND NOW I AM RED J ALLARD."
"Holy fuck," I said. "So, uh, does this mean we all get our 360s for free?"
"No," he winked. "But I did have to apply a patch to the hard drives. Some, uh, undocumented features needed to be cleared up."
"The brilliant flash of lime-green light."
"Exactly. So, uh, you got that buck?" I gave it to him, breaking my policy of not giving money out on the street unless the guy was holding a "United Negro Pizza Fund" sign which I have a soft spot in my heart for. Allard took it and put it into a green clasp envelope on which was embossed "MONEY FOR CRACK".
"Thanks, kid. Here's a tip: if the power supply melts to your hand, wait ten minutes then call this number." He gave me a piece of paper. I looked down to see that it was blank; when I looked up, he was gone.
So was my wallet.
I'd been standing outside the EB Games on the corner of Powell and O'Farrell for eight hours and had been asked for change fifty times. The junkies were out in full force plying their trade; twelve noon was a particularly sketchy time of day in the Tenderloin.
"Sorry, I actually need this money," I said. "You're not the only one who needs to buy crack later." Just at that moment I noticed a gleam in his one good eye, which drew my attention to his glasses. Square-rimmed. It couldn't be, I thought. But the more I stared at him and he stared at my wallet, I knew it had to be the man whose picture was sticky-tacked onto my Samsung 26W.
My head swam with the math. Here was a 37 year old pretending to be a 25 year old pretending to be a 78 year old. But I didn't have time to work out whether or not that fit the Pythagorean Theorem or not, because in a flash he had thrown off his flea-bitten Navajo blanket and filled the entire block, up to the Borders and even down to the Carl's Jr., with a radiant lime-green light.
"BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED," the iridescent figure shouted, "I AM J ALLARD!"
"I thought you were in the desert or some shit."
"I HAVE RETURNED FROM THE DARK WORLD AND NOW I AM RED J ALLARD."
"Holy fuck," I said. "So, uh, does this mean we all get our 360s for free?"
"No," he winked. "But I did have to apply a patch to the hard drives. Some, uh, undocumented features needed to be cleared up."
"The brilliant flash of lime-green light."
"Exactly. So, uh, you got that buck?" I gave it to him, breaking my policy of not giving money out on the street unless the guy was holding a "United Negro Pizza Fund" sign which I have a soft spot in my heart for. Allard took it and put it into a green clasp envelope on which was embossed "MONEY FOR CRACK".
"Thanks, kid. Here's a tip: if the power supply melts to your hand, wait ten minutes then call this number." He gave me a piece of paper. I looked down to see that it was blank; when I looked up, he was gone.
So was my wallet.
Outside my somewhat-local Best Buy, visible breath curls unfurling and snaking into the freezing November early AM air, I awaited my turn at destiny, twenty-fifth to be precise. The ragtag four dozen of us were an admirable mix of gamers from all across the spectrum: the pasty, the awkward, the aimless.
The hours that passed were mostly unmemorable, except for a little something that occured on the sixth. A scuffle ensued as we attempted to beat back a rather determined intruder trying to usurp a spot near the front of the line. Suddenly, mid slap-fight, the ground swelled and heaved. An earthquake?
Suddenly an explosion: blasting through a nearby manhole cover rising triumphantly through air, framed by a halo of flourescent street light, was J Allard himself. Catching the manhole cover in midfall, with a herculean heft he flung the mighty discus directly at the intruder's midriff, cutting him cleanly in two.
"NO CUTS!" he bellowed. Our cheers and hosannas drowned out the clatter of the steel disc's unbalanced sidelong rotation on the ground. With a quick hop over his vanquished victim's viscera and an acknowledging salute, he was back underground and out of sight, no doubt protecting the integrity of Xbox 360 lines across this nation, nay, across the world.
The hours that passed were mostly unmemorable, except for a little something that occured on the sixth. A scuffle ensued as we attempted to beat back a rather determined intruder trying to usurp a spot near the front of the line. Suddenly, mid slap-fight, the ground swelled and heaved. An earthquake?
Suddenly an explosion: blasting through a nearby manhole cover rising triumphantly through air, framed by a halo of flourescent street light, was J Allard himself. Catching the manhole cover in midfall, with a herculean heft he flung the mighty discus directly at the intruder's midriff, cutting him cleanly in two.
"NO CUTS!" he bellowed. Our cheers and hosannas drowned out the clatter of the steel disc's unbalanced sidelong rotation on the ground. With a quick hop over his vanquished victim's viscera and an acknowledging salute, he was back underground and out of sight, no doubt protecting the integrity of Xbox 360 lines across this nation, nay, across the world.
Mama Smurf
My penis is still intact.
"Can I touch your J Allards?" I asked, for the tenth time that morning.
A look of fear passed over the girl's face. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about," she replied, hurrying away from me.
Another one. What was happening in this town? There had been a crowd in the square before, now people were rushing away, heads down, refusing to look me in the eye. Had there been some sort of disaster here? Why wouldn't anyone even let me see their J Allards, let alone touch them?
I quickened my steps. There had to be some sort of explanation. I was heading for the town hall, they'd know what was going on. There weren't even any J Allards on the ground, gloriously putrid in their festering. What madness was this!
I stumbled. That smell. Oh god the redolence, the danger, the torment of my desire. There. The dark man in the alley. I staggered over, knees giving way as I collapsed against him.
"Your J Allards!" I cried, hunger raw upon my face. "I have to touch them!"
He stared at me. I could see it in his eyes, my judgement. I began to shake, how could I demand from one such as he? But my longing...oh god my longing...
"Do it."
A voice of granite, a voice to shake the hills. Trembling I obeyed, twisted bliss seeping into my smile as I reached for the abomination.
"Your J Allards are so smooth" I breathed.
"No," he said. "Do it."
I couldn't, not that. The horrific ecstasy, no one could withstand it.
"Do it," he urged, caressing the words.
Orgasmic fear shuddered through me. Slowly I leaned in under his gaze. This was it. The end. My lips parted.
Madness engulfed me.
A look of fear passed over the girl's face. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about," she replied, hurrying away from me.
Another one. What was happening in this town? There had been a crowd in the square before, now people were rushing away, heads down, refusing to look me in the eye. Had there been some sort of disaster here? Why wouldn't anyone even let me see their J Allards, let alone touch them?
I quickened my steps. There had to be some sort of explanation. I was heading for the town hall, they'd know what was going on. There weren't even any J Allards on the ground, gloriously putrid in their festering. What madness was this!
I stumbled. That smell. Oh god the redolence, the danger, the torment of my desire. There. The dark man in the alley. I staggered over, knees giving way as I collapsed against him.
"Your J Allards!" I cried, hunger raw upon my face. "I have to touch them!"
He stared at me. I could see it in his eyes, my judgement. I began to shake, how could I demand from one such as he? But my longing...oh god my longing...
"Do it."
A voice of granite, a voice to shake the hills. Trembling I obeyed, twisted bliss seeping into my smile as I reached for the abomination.
"Your J Allards are so smooth" I breathed.
"No," he said. "Do it."
I couldn't, not that. The horrific ecstasy, no one could withstand it.
"Do it," he urged, caressing the words.
Orgasmic fear shuddered through me. Slowly I leaned in under his gaze. This was it. The end. My lips parted.
Madness engulfed me.
I woke up in the gutter, after a long night of hard work. Clearly, selling my body to 40 year-old ladies wasn't the best way of gathering money for my leap into the next generation of gaming goodness. But I was finally here. Scarred for life but clinging to the hope, to the joyous thought, that I would recieve my shiny white 360 this very day.
The line was pretty long, hours went by as I got closer and closer. I had been staring at this guy in front of me for the longest time now. His head, it was so shiny. I could not look away, I was mesmerized. And there wasn't much else to look at anyway. His bald, shiny head...
"Hah", I thought to myself. "Imagine if that was actually J. Allard, THE J. Allard" I giggled to myself. Apparently, he had overheard me talking to myself and turned around. The shock!
It was actually him, J. Allard!! J FUCKING ALLARD!!!! I didn't know what to do, I panicked!
He smiled and said "Oh really?". For a second, the image of J Allard with stern, yellow eyes and huge flapping wings appeared in my mind for some reason, but I quickly regained my composure.
"Are you really...J Allard?" I asked hiding my excitement the best I could.
"Haha, no, people ask me that all th..."
That's when I punched him. It was more of a bitchslap, actually. I don't know why, perhaps my disappointment grew so big I just couldn't contain it.
Then I see this magazine rack right next to me. Well, I was on a roll, so I pushed over the magazine rack and this fake Allard fell over and was covered with crappy strategy guides and what have you.
Then he just looks at me like he was about to say something but we're both interrupted by the clerk behind the counter. He says like "hey guys, how about some real 3D-action in HD resolution? I got one 360 left (it's the retard pack BTW)"
Me and fake Allard looked at eachother, and then both ran towards the counter, I had a headstart seeing as he was still sitting down. I was confident in winning this little race of ours, but suddenly I hear a panting noise and the smell of sweat is filling up my nostrils. From the Gizmondo corner of the store comes, I SHIT YOU NOT, Steve Ballmer running in a moment of great concentration with the rest of his body trying to keep up. I was awestruck by this moment. Unfortunately it resulted in him reaching the counter first, and for some reason he actually bought the 360 as well. I was like..."wtf is going on here?!"
"Good performance, Steve", fake Allard said, standing up.
"Yeaaaah, we can't let these suckers out just yet! Right Allard?!", Steve half-screamed still trying to catch his breath.
"You got it, this is how you create hype, big man. Shortage and MTV. Well, that's what I'm told anyway."
Wait a minute, was it the real Allard after all?!
Allard walked up to Steve, and looked at him, Steve responded with a nod. My eyes were firmly locked at the retard pack Steve was holding. But something was going on. Suddenly they both bowed down in front of each other, until their bald heads were firmly pressed together. Then they started twisting their heads, faster and faster. Smoke rose from this incredible friction, but they just kept at it, going even faster.
Suddenly a wobbly, greenish portal opened up from between their heads, and grew larger and larger. Eventually, it was large enough for them to walk through, hand in hand. In the portal distance I could see Bill Gates waving at them, giving the thumbs up sign. I tried to run after them but it was too late. The portal was closed and my dream of getting a 360 was ruined.
The line was pretty long, hours went by as I got closer and closer. I had been staring at this guy in front of me for the longest time now. His head, it was so shiny. I could not look away, I was mesmerized. And there wasn't much else to look at anyway. His bald, shiny head...
"Hah", I thought to myself. "Imagine if that was actually J. Allard, THE J. Allard" I giggled to myself. Apparently, he had overheard me talking to myself and turned around. The shock!
It was actually him, J. Allard!! J FUCKING ALLARD!!!! I didn't know what to do, I panicked!
He smiled and said "Oh really?". For a second, the image of J Allard with stern, yellow eyes and huge flapping wings appeared in my mind for some reason, but I quickly regained my composure.
"Are you really...J Allard?" I asked hiding my excitement the best I could.
"Haha, no, people ask me that all th..."
That's when I punched him. It was more of a bitchslap, actually. I don't know why, perhaps my disappointment grew so big I just couldn't contain it.
Then I see this magazine rack right next to me. Well, I was on a roll, so I pushed over the magazine rack and this fake Allard fell over and was covered with crappy strategy guides and what have you.
Then he just looks at me like he was about to say something but we're both interrupted by the clerk behind the counter. He says like "hey guys, how about some real 3D-action in HD resolution? I got one 360 left (it's the retard pack BTW)"
Me and fake Allard looked at eachother, and then both ran towards the counter, I had a headstart seeing as he was still sitting down. I was confident in winning this little race of ours, but suddenly I hear a panting noise and the smell of sweat is filling up my nostrils. From the Gizmondo corner of the store comes, I SHIT YOU NOT, Steve Ballmer running in a moment of great concentration with the rest of his body trying to keep up. I was awestruck by this moment. Unfortunately it resulted in him reaching the counter first, and for some reason he actually bought the 360 as well. I was like..."wtf is going on here?!"
"Good performance, Steve", fake Allard said, standing up.
"Yeaaaah, we can't let these suckers out just yet! Right Allard?!", Steve half-screamed still trying to catch his breath.
"You got it, this is how you create hype, big man. Shortage and MTV. Well, that's what I'm told anyway."
Wait a minute, was it the real Allard after all?!
Allard walked up to Steve, and looked at him, Steve responded with a nod. My eyes were firmly locked at the retard pack Steve was holding. But something was going on. Suddenly they both bowed down in front of each other, until their bald heads were firmly pressed together. Then they started twisting their heads, faster and faster. Smoke rose from this incredible friction, but they just kept at it, going even faster.
Suddenly a wobbly, greenish portal opened up from between their heads, and grew larger and larger. Eventually, it was large enough for them to walk through, hand in hand. In the portal distance I could see Bill Gates waving at them, giving the thumbs up sign. I tried to run after them but it was too late. The portal was closed and my dream of getting a 360 was ruined.
Infernodash
Member
The day I first began gaming will forever remain etched in my memory. As I tore off the plastic wrapping, a rich perfume of plastic laced with foam filled my head, pushing out the thousands of demons that had swirled there previously. With a shaking hand, I pressed finger to controller, and played for the very first time a console--the xbox360. But before this seminal moment in my life, the day that unfolded prior was nothing short of spectacular.
Dark clouds hover overhead and an icy damp feeling strikes me as I make my way across the parking lot of Best Buy. Its raining today, at 9:00 pm on a school night, time for me to get on line amongst a mass of gaming fiends that have owned every console since nes, I suppose. As I watch an army of droplets unleash themselves before me, I shudder because I am armed with nothing but a t-shirt and jeans to fend off the cold for the journey ahead. As I brace myself against the elements of nature, I see J Allard, running, his bald head covered by his hooded parka running up to me from behind the street. I strain my eyes in disbelief. Hes carrying an umbrella and has brought along with him my favorite sweater, handing it to me. Here brother, he says to me in traditional gamer lingo. Well wait together, he tells me, unable to contain his smile. "What about the worldwide launch, you're needed elsewhere" I say. Again, he smiles, and kisses me on the forehead. It is only after I am sheltered safely under the umbrella do I realize that the moisture running down my face is not precipitation of nature, but of the heart. It was then that I fell in love with J Allard. Holding me in his arms, I begin to feel a surge of confidence that he will protect me from xbox360 thugs.
One day, I tell him--well play this xbox360 together, just me and you. He laughs, and as I leave the safety of our umbrella, I pull off my sweater, swinging it around my head.
What are you doing? he asks me innocently.
Im dancing, I reply. Dancing in the rain.
Dark clouds hover overhead and an icy damp feeling strikes me as I make my way across the parking lot of Best Buy. Its raining today, at 9:00 pm on a school night, time for me to get on line amongst a mass of gaming fiends that have owned every console since nes, I suppose. As I watch an army of droplets unleash themselves before me, I shudder because I am armed with nothing but a t-shirt and jeans to fend off the cold for the journey ahead. As I brace myself against the elements of nature, I see J Allard, running, his bald head covered by his hooded parka running up to me from behind the street. I strain my eyes in disbelief. Hes carrying an umbrella and has brought along with him my favorite sweater, handing it to me. Here brother, he says to me in traditional gamer lingo. Well wait together, he tells me, unable to contain his smile. "What about the worldwide launch, you're needed elsewhere" I say. Again, he smiles, and kisses me on the forehead. It is only after I am sheltered safely under the umbrella do I realize that the moisture running down my face is not precipitation of nature, but of the heart. It was then that I fell in love with J Allard. Holding me in his arms, I begin to feel a surge of confidence that he will protect me from xbox360 thugs.
One day, I tell him--well play this xbox360 together, just me and you. He laughs, and as I leave the safety of our umbrella, I pull off my sweater, swinging it around my head.
What are you doing? he asks me innocently.
Im dancing, I reply. Dancing in the rain.
The Faceless Master
Member
did anyone else think this thread was gonna be about another viral marketing site where you can win a free 360?
I promised myself I wouldn't post in this stupid thread... but oh well here's my story:
I recieved a schedual of Allards secret day plan for launch day. I met him at Best Buy where he seen me in line holding a X360! among a crowd of Xbox fanboys. J Allrd walked up to me and said
"wow you sure are lucky! you're the envy of everyone in this line, in your hands you hold gots gift to games, the ultimate gaming console!"
I turned to him and said "Hey you're Allard right? the PR guy who likes to talk smack!... FUCKING SELL OUT! DO YOU KNOW WHY I'M HERE?! I BOUGHT YOUR FUCKING CONSOLE! AND LESS THEN 72 HOURS OF IT BEING OPENED THE FUCKING THING DIED ON ME!"
His face went from a joyful smile to a fearful grin. I pull the PSU unit from inside the box swong it over my head as Allard ran in fear! I just caught the back of his shiny bawled head. Now on the floor bleeding due to the massive power knocking him over, he turned over into the fetal position and cryed out "please no more, I'm very sorry we can exchange it for you". I ignoring his comments brought out the MASSIVE Xbox 360 in all it's glory and beat J Allard till you couldn't tell his face from his ass. I then filled out the warrenty card and returned the Xbox 360, with a mischievous grin turned him and said "NOT ENOUGH VENTS BITCH!"
The End. I call this work of art Death of a PR smack talker
I recieved a schedual of Allards secret day plan for launch day. I met him at Best Buy where he seen me in line holding a X360! among a crowd of Xbox fanboys. J Allrd walked up to me and said
"wow you sure are lucky! you're the envy of everyone in this line, in your hands you hold gots gift to games, the ultimate gaming console!"
I turned to him and said "Hey you're Allard right? the PR guy who likes to talk smack!... FUCKING SELL OUT! DO YOU KNOW WHY I'M HERE?! I BOUGHT YOUR FUCKING CONSOLE! AND LESS THEN 72 HOURS OF IT BEING OPENED THE FUCKING THING DIED ON ME!"
His face went from a joyful smile to a fearful grin. I pull the PSU unit from inside the box swong it over my head as Allard ran in fear! I just caught the back of his shiny bawled head. Now on the floor bleeding due to the massive power knocking him over, he turned over into the fetal position and cryed out "please no more, I'm very sorry we can exchange it for you". I ignoring his comments brought out the MASSIVE Xbox 360 in all it's glory and beat J Allard till you couldn't tell his face from his ass. I then filled out the warrenty card and returned the Xbox 360, with a mischievous grin turned him and said "NOT ENOUGH VENTS BITCH!"
The End. I call this work of art Death of a PR smack talker
KyotoMecca
Member
You know, once I met this dude in some club who looked exactly like J Allard and, risking my life, went up to him and took pictures of us together on my phone as I knew it would make my journalist friends jealous. It worked 100%. Moral: Lots of people can pass for the real J.
j^aws
Member
A buzzing sound disturbed my slumber. I fumbled to find my dislodged phone at the lower crevices of my sleeping bag. It was a message from my boss.
"Fuck yeah" I muttered, as the message confirmed I could take the rest of the week off. Been a difficult month. As a recruitment consultant with all that extra overtime and what not. Need to save for a PS3 you see, but not today. Today was 360 day.
I stumbled out of the sleeping bag and peered through my crusty eyes. "Damn queue pushers, I swear it was shorter!". Being over six foot tall, I could see past all the bad hairdos, jostling in front of me.
"A penny for your thoughts!" shrieked a voice.
My cramped head slowly turned towards it and my crusty eyes, lagging, caught a glimmer of a penny in flight. Of course it was too late. The penny smacked my left eye and bounced to the ground.
"Fuck dude, I'm still a sleep!" I cried. Still stunned, wary as to what had happened and now visually impaired.
"Early bird catches the worm!" said the man as he approached me.
"Birds." I said, "Don't talk to me about birds. These friggin', singing owls kept me awake all night!"
"Oh really?" said the man.
"Ya really, owls sing. Loud." I said rubbing my eyes. The guy looked strangely familiar as he stood alongside me. I took another glance at him but the glare from the morning sun, bouncing off his bald head, pierced my eyes and prevented me from eye contact. "You better not be a queue pusher." I muttered whilst staring ahead with my cramped neck.
"No, just seeing how the launch was going. That's all," replied the man.
" 'tard packs, that's my thought. I hope they don't have any f'ing 'tard packs!" I grumbled.
" 'tard?"
"Yeah, 'tard. Well, I call them 'lard packs. Short for Al-lard packs!". I went to pick up the penny from the ground, as I stood up, I noticed he was walking swiftly away towards a Harley Davidson. It was J Allard, wearing a suit and a hood, driving off...
"Hmm...strange bloke," I thought to myself. "This penny will hopefully bring some goddamn luck!"
Five hours later, driving back home, music blasting in the car, "Bastards!", I shouted, "fucking 'tard packs everywhere!"
Slept like a baby that night. With no luck from hunting, I decided to go back to work next morning. Whilst sipping some diluted coffee and rummaging through my e-mails, I find to my amazement, a resume from J Allard . "WTF...?"
Being a recruitment consultant, specializing in executive positions, I've dealt with the odd high profile client but this was no 'tard client! But business was slow lately and I had nothing on offer. So what did I do? I hung his resume on my wall, in a dark mahogany frame. And in the bottom left corner was that shiny, lucky penny...
I'm now currently working overtime and saving for my PS3.
"Fuck yeah" I muttered, as the message confirmed I could take the rest of the week off. Been a difficult month. As a recruitment consultant with all that extra overtime and what not. Need to save for a PS3 you see, but not today. Today was 360 day.
I stumbled out of the sleeping bag and peered through my crusty eyes. "Damn queue pushers, I swear it was shorter!". Being over six foot tall, I could see past all the bad hairdos, jostling in front of me.
"A penny for your thoughts!" shrieked a voice.
My cramped head slowly turned towards it and my crusty eyes, lagging, caught a glimmer of a penny in flight. Of course it was too late. The penny smacked my left eye and bounced to the ground.
"Fuck dude, I'm still a sleep!" I cried. Still stunned, wary as to what had happened and now visually impaired.
"Early bird catches the worm!" said the man as he approached me.
"Birds." I said, "Don't talk to me about birds. These friggin', singing owls kept me awake all night!"
"Oh really?" said the man.
"Ya really, owls sing. Loud." I said rubbing my eyes. The guy looked strangely familiar as he stood alongside me. I took another glance at him but the glare from the morning sun, bouncing off his bald head, pierced my eyes and prevented me from eye contact. "You better not be a queue pusher." I muttered whilst staring ahead with my cramped neck.
"No, just seeing how the launch was going. That's all," replied the man.
" 'tard packs, that's my thought. I hope they don't have any f'ing 'tard packs!" I grumbled.
" 'tard?"
"Yeah, 'tard. Well, I call them 'lard packs. Short for Al-lard packs!". I went to pick up the penny from the ground, as I stood up, I noticed he was walking swiftly away towards a Harley Davidson. It was J Allard, wearing a suit and a hood, driving off...
"Hmm...strange bloke," I thought to myself. "This penny will hopefully bring some goddamn luck!"
Five hours later, driving back home, music blasting in the car, "Bastards!", I shouted, "fucking 'tard packs everywhere!"
Slept like a baby that night. With no luck from hunting, I decided to go back to work next morning. Whilst sipping some diluted coffee and rummaging through my e-mails, I find to my amazement, a resume from J Allard . "WTF...?"
Being a recruitment consultant, specializing in executive positions, I've dealt with the odd high profile client but this was no 'tard client! But business was slow lately and I had nothing on offer. So what did I do? I hung his resume on my wall, in a dark mahogany frame. And in the bottom left corner was that shiny, lucky penny...
I'm now currently working overtime and saving for my PS3.
KyotoMecca
Member
j^aws said:
NGJ?
Date of Lies
Banned
I am so doing the allard mobile
Excess Poo Flakes
Banned
The alarm buzzed angrily around four in the AM. I woke up, and the room was completely dark. I reached over sleepily and turned off the alarm. Complete silence followed the click of the off button, and I simply watched. Shadows from the trees outside of the window danced on the floor and on the walls. The cat sat at my feet, curled up with his tail at his nose.
Hunger struck at my soul, and I stood up, half-awake. Would I get pudding? Perhaps a biscuit? I could not figure out what it was exactly that my heart desired. I walked out of the room and down the hallway to the kitchen.
There was a dark shadow in the kitchen. A person, perhaps. I flicked on the light and at once I realized. J. Allard was in my kitchen. He was at the toaster, tried to toast what looked like a handfull of lucky charms.
"J Allard," I said, "what are you doing here in my kitchen, trying to toast lucky charms?"
He replied, "Blue Pants, it is my destiny."
Apathetically, I went to the cabinet and pulled out a bag of cheetos. Soon after, to my surprise, I heard a loud screech. I turned around and saw J. Allard fucking my cat.
Hunger struck at my soul, and I stood up, half-awake. Would I get pudding? Perhaps a biscuit? I could not figure out what it was exactly that my heart desired. I walked out of the room and down the hallway to the kitchen.
There was a dark shadow in the kitchen. A person, perhaps. I flicked on the light and at once I realized. J. Allard was in my kitchen. He was at the toaster, tried to toast what looked like a handfull of lucky charms.
"J Allard," I said, "what are you doing here in my kitchen, trying to toast lucky charms?"
He replied, "Blue Pants, it is my destiny."
Apathetically, I went to the cabinet and pulled out a bag of cheetos. Soon after, to my surprise, I heard a loud screech. I turned around and saw J. Allard fucking my cat.
Zero Hour didn't come with off-green fluorescence slouched in front of a hi-def Tiger Woods session while military-grade security watched hipsters smuggling beanbags into the desert. It was out there, in the dawn light and clean air - like a cosmic gamer irony - and I know because I was so close to it. I still feel the tingle of human energy on my face and tongue. It feels like love for a billion people.
"I want you to bike with me into the dawn." Allard had whispered.
I laughed, assuming it was a conundrum wrapped in a metaphor, such as the 360 itself following the gesture of a martial artist's deeply inhaled breath. "That's awesome."
"So you'll do it?"
"Ah-" I looked to Peter Moore.
"Like Chariots of Fire, or some fucking shit," Moore sniggered.
God, we biked so fast and so hard, and for a moment I was reminded of the PlayStation 2 title Downhill Domination, but then thought of Allard skidding - three hundred and sixty degrees - to a halt and asking "Are you my Judas?", his voice cracking. To banish that awful spectre I tried to recall imagery from Epic's Gears Of War, or perhaps from any number of military sci-fi titles in development for the 360 - I was without focus. I lost control of my bike, and fell to the dry Pasadena earth.
I see J turn his head, and start to mouth something.
"Keep going!" I shout, "Don't wait for me!"
He understands, and in the moment before his figure is lost in the brilliant light of the new dawn I make out a single tear, glittering like his single earring, and am silently thankful for the introduction of the Hi-Def Era.
I never saw him again. I hope he knows that if I had cracked my ribs and fractured my scaphoid, I would have worn them like stigmata, encased in a cast the colour of 'chill'.
"I want you to bike with me into the dawn." Allard had whispered.
I laughed, assuming it was a conundrum wrapped in a metaphor, such as the 360 itself following the gesture of a martial artist's deeply inhaled breath. "That's awesome."
"So you'll do it?"
"Ah-" I looked to Peter Moore.
"Like Chariots of Fire, or some fucking shit," Moore sniggered.
God, we biked so fast and so hard, and for a moment I was reminded of the PlayStation 2 title Downhill Domination, but then thought of Allard skidding - three hundred and sixty degrees - to a halt and asking "Are you my Judas?", his voice cracking. To banish that awful spectre I tried to recall imagery from Epic's Gears Of War, or perhaps from any number of military sci-fi titles in development for the 360 - I was without focus. I lost control of my bike, and fell to the dry Pasadena earth.
I see J turn his head, and start to mouth something.
"Keep going!" I shout, "Don't wait for me!"
He understands, and in the moment before his figure is lost in the brilliant light of the new dawn I make out a single tear, glittering like his single earring, and am silently thankful for the introduction of the Hi-Def Era.
I never saw him again. I hope he knows that if I had cracked my ribs and fractured my scaphoid, I would have worn them like stigmata, encased in a cast the colour of 'chill'.
An excerpt:
"Severus? Is that you?"
Snape paused in the doorway to the shabby hotel room, light flickering behind him as the flourescents in the hallway slowly died. Light flickered inside the room as well, a swirling, psychadelic glow emerging from the sleek high-definition television hanging on the wall, it's high-end electronic allure at odds with the battered furnishings in the rest of the Motel 6. Allard lay sprawled back on the bed, his shirt unbuttoned, a glass of Shiraz in hand.
After a moment's pause to take in the tableu, the tarnished potions master stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. Soft, pulsating music filled the room, the mysterious visuals on the screen throbbing in time to the beat. Allard gave Snape a wry grin. "Impressive isn't it? There's a bit more to it than just pretty pictures. Here, let me show you."
Snape poured himself some wine as Allard's deft fingers flew across a mysterious device. The patterns on the screen shifted, a form emerging from the chaos.
"Is that a llama?", Snape asked, his tone of voice indicating that he was less than overwhelmed.
Allard chuckled. "Patience, Severus. You should understand the importance of impatience." Snape grunted and took a sip of the Shiraz, his finely honed sense of taste savoring the liquid enveloping his tongue and filling his mouth. Not bad.
After a few moments the images before him begin to shift, the llama starting to distort, the color spectrum becoming darker. Soon the room was filled with an eerie green light and an image had solidified on the screen: a skull, with a serpent emerging from it's mouth, undulating across the screen.
Snape's eyes grew hard as he slammed the glass of wine on the nightstand and turned to face Allard. "That's a very dangerous symbol. Do you realize what you're playing at?"
Allard stood up and stepped closer to Snape, who was accutely aware of Allard's presence. "Oh, I'm very aware of the symbolism and I'm proud to display it on this, the eve of my greatest triumph. As we speak, the muggle world is waiting anxiously for the arrival of the device before you, a machine designed to bridge the gap between the muggle and wizard worlds. The muggles know nothing of your politics or struggles, but when they first get a glimpse of magic they'll already be familiar with the proper signs."
"The Dark Mark is designed to create fear and loathing, not comfort and familiarity."
Allard laughed. "Do you think I know nothing of Dark Marks? Let me show you something else, Severeus." Rolling up his right shirt sleeve, Allard revealed his forearm. "Touch me."
Snape swallowed nervously, then reached his fingers out to lightly stroke the underside of Allard's forearm. Slowly an outline took shape, a tattoo edged in sharp lines, glowing with a harsh, brilliant light of their own. A window...
Allard looked Snape in the eyes. "My master requires me to wear a dark mark of my own, Severus. He has spread this mark across the world, annoucing to all his power, his intent. And they love him for it."
Snape looked back, then nodded and begin to pull away, only to find Allard's hand covering his, a rainbow of light emerging from undereath their fingers. "I didn't say you needed to stop touching me, did I?"
There was a long pause before Snape whispered, "No, J. You didn't..."
FnordChan
Legal Step
Member
Wow I had no idea this would get stickied...I'm the happiest poster here for the day...
truffleshuffle83
Banned
i want my camping out limited edition faceplate fuckers......forget that zero hour bullshit, you guys arent hardcore
SatelliteOfLove
Member
Mama Smurf said:
I usually don't read stickies...holy shit... :lol :lol :lol
He was almost upon me.
I managed to hide under a Geek Squad Bug in the parking lot, but the shattering windows, splintering fiberglass, and twisting metal frame was a chorus of poor choice. I might have stood a chance had I managed to reach Norad, but my fate was sealed, the day's obituary layout awaiting my demise.
How did he know? I only told a few thousand close friends on Gaming Age. That I planned to sell my Premium Xbox360 on Ebay. It was tongue-in-cheek, after all, but this soulless creature knew nothing of forum antics. He believed a part of him had fallen into the wrong hands. And that offspring would soon be rescued.
I could see parts of him now through the diminishing undercarriage. The ferocity of his attack on the car tore away at his synthetic skin. I heard they had yet to perfect human hair, so that should have been a giveaway. But now, I could see the metallic skull protruding through Allard's forehead, and the erector-set like fingers acting as the jaws of death.
I frantically clawed at falling debris, hoping to find something of substance to fend him off. Then I remembered screenshots. Oh, those glorious forum screenshots. I opened the Xbox360 box. This action sent Allard into even more of a frenzy. I dumped the contents onto the lot, and grabbed the monolith power source.
With one final, awesome showcase of strength, Allard tossed the rest of the car into a crowd of onlookers. This was my chance. I swung the console's anchor into Allard's face. Sparks rained down on me. A glass eye bounced away. And in its place, my final glimpse of this world... a demonic green circle of light.
I managed to hide under a Geek Squad Bug in the parking lot, but the shattering windows, splintering fiberglass, and twisting metal frame was a chorus of poor choice. I might have stood a chance had I managed to reach Norad, but my fate was sealed, the day's obituary layout awaiting my demise.
How did he know? I only told a few thousand close friends on Gaming Age. That I planned to sell my Premium Xbox360 on Ebay. It was tongue-in-cheek, after all, but this soulless creature knew nothing of forum antics. He believed a part of him had fallen into the wrong hands. And that offspring would soon be rescued.
I could see parts of him now through the diminishing undercarriage. The ferocity of his attack on the car tore away at his synthetic skin. I heard they had yet to perfect human hair, so that should have been a giveaway. But now, I could see the metallic skull protruding through Allard's forehead, and the erector-set like fingers acting as the jaws of death.
I frantically clawed at falling debris, hoping to find something of substance to fend him off. Then I remembered screenshots. Oh, those glorious forum screenshots. I opened the Xbox360 box. This action sent Allard into even more of a frenzy. I dumped the contents onto the lot, and grabbed the monolith power source.
With one final, awesome showcase of strength, Allard tossed the rest of the car into a crowd of onlookers. This was my chance. I swung the console's anchor into Allard's face. Sparks rained down on me. A glass eye bounced away. And in its place, my final glimpse of this world... a demonic green circle of light.
Dr. Kitty Muffins
Member
This one time..................at band camp............
So me and my buddies arrived home at 1:30 am after waiting in line for that new Xbox 360. We waited 12 hours, got interviewed by the local newspaper and everything. I mean this was just a new videogame console and buying it made me feel like a celebrity in itself! I heard helicopters and everything, I knew they were filming me and my gang of buddies, so we all laid out on the ground and began to form shapes. It was like we were being contolled by some mysterious force, it just overcame us. We formed the numbers "360" and just then a mountain biker came out of nowhere and launched over us and he spun around one time. As fast as he came, he was already gone. Me and my friends were pretty sure who it was, and we were definitely impressed.
Well, when we got back to my pad I decided to spread everything out on the floor. We got a Xbox 360, 3 all new wireless controllers, Kameo, and the totally hot Perfect Dark Zero! What was missing you ask? Well me and my buddies were jonesin for some dank grub so we hit up Pizza Hut and ordered a couple large pepperoni pizzas. Man! it seemed like we waited forever for that Pizza! But then the door bell rang and as I stood up and walked closer to the door, WHOOSH! The door FUCKIN OPENED BY ITSELF!
"Yo Pizza dude WTF MAN!?" I shouted.
Only there was no pizza man outside. Me and my friends slowly approached the door when all the sudden a bald man riding a Cannondale with a Pizza in each hand, and a bag of hot wings in his mouth came riding in like some kind of knight in shining armor! It was fuckin J. Allard yo, my knight in shining armor! He's the guy who invented mirosoft, halo, and the xbox! He set the pizzas down, dropped the hot wings and he just began to sit down in the middle of the living room. I reacted quickly and grabbed a bean bag chair and threw it under him. I remember his words perfectly.
"Sup!"
I can't believe this was happening to me. I walked over to the door again, but before I could close the door a gaggle of prostitutes and an obese man with two 24-packs of PBR forced their way in. I looked at J. Allard and he said "It's alright man, you know how I roll now!" I was kinda freaked, and the insanity didn't stop there. He pulled out a little baggy from his..... fanny pack? Man, I knew J. Allard used to be a nerd before he invented xbox. I guess he retained some of his former self. It was cool though. Anyways in this bag was a couple dank lookin nuggs of reefer. But he wasn't done. He pulled out another bag, of some unknown substance. He then asked "You ever hit a dust blunt before?" and I was like "Yo man, you crazy dawg!" and he just smiled. He rolled that blunt faster than you can say PS3 Sux0r and all the hookers watched in a daze. Allard really is the man.
So there we were gettin high, and chattin it up with the women. But shit! I forgot about the 360. So I hooked that shit up, to my T.V. Allard began demoing the 360 and it's dashboard. I was growing impatient though, I wanted to play some games man! So I said "Put on that Perfect Dark shit homie!" and Allard inserted the disc. The game booted up fine and we began to play a 4-player deathmatch. Shit was unbelievable for about 20 minutes when the console froze! No joke! I didn't know what to do, Allard looked calm enough, but he reached into his bag for something. He pulled out a fuckin gun! I didn't know what to do, so I jumped and hid behind a hooker. He just started vibrating, and then started pointing the gun around the room and I thought he was gonna kill us. But finally he pointed the thing right at the 360 and pulled the trigger. "BAM!" Nothing came out of the barrell but the Xbox unfroze, and Perfect Dark started playin again! Not only that but somehow he loaded custom soundtracks on there and LL COOL J started blaring.
So high out of our minds we all played into the night.
Well, when we got back to my pad I decided to spread everything out on the floor. We got a Xbox 360, 3 all new wireless controllers, Kameo, and the totally hot Perfect Dark Zero! What was missing you ask? Well me and my buddies were jonesin for some dank grub so we hit up Pizza Hut and ordered a couple large pepperoni pizzas. Man! it seemed like we waited forever for that Pizza! But then the door bell rang and as I stood up and walked closer to the door, WHOOSH! The door FUCKIN OPENED BY ITSELF!
"Yo Pizza dude WTF MAN!?" I shouted.
Only there was no pizza man outside. Me and my friends slowly approached the door when all the sudden a bald man riding a Cannondale with a Pizza in each hand, and a bag of hot wings in his mouth came riding in like some kind of knight in shining armor! It was fuckin J. Allard yo, my knight in shining armor! He's the guy who invented mirosoft, halo, and the xbox! He set the pizzas down, dropped the hot wings and he just began to sit down in the middle of the living room. I reacted quickly and grabbed a bean bag chair and threw it under him. I remember his words perfectly.
"Sup!"
I can't believe this was happening to me. I walked over to the door again, but before I could close the door a gaggle of prostitutes and an obese man with two 24-packs of PBR forced their way in. I looked at J. Allard and he said "It's alright man, you know how I roll now!" I was kinda freaked, and the insanity didn't stop there. He pulled out a little baggy from his..... fanny pack? Man, I knew J. Allard used to be a nerd before he invented xbox. I guess he retained some of his former self. It was cool though. Anyways in this bag was a couple dank lookin nuggs of reefer. But he wasn't done. He pulled out another bag, of some unknown substance. He then asked "You ever hit a dust blunt before?" and I was like "Yo man, you crazy dawg!" and he just smiled. He rolled that blunt faster than you can say PS3 Sux0r and all the hookers watched in a daze. Allard really is the man.
So there we were gettin high, and chattin it up with the women. But shit! I forgot about the 360. So I hooked that shit up, to my T.V. Allard began demoing the 360 and it's dashboard. I was growing impatient though, I wanted to play some games man! So I said "Put on that Perfect Dark shit homie!" and Allard inserted the disc. The game booted up fine and we began to play a 4-player deathmatch. Shit was unbelievable for about 20 minutes when the console froze! No joke! I didn't know what to do, Allard looked calm enough, but he reached into his bag for something. He pulled out a fuckin gun! I didn't know what to do, so I jumped and hid behind a hooker. He just started vibrating, and then started pointing the gun around the room and I thought he was gonna kill us. But finally he pointed the thing right at the 360 and pulled the trigger. "BAM!" Nothing came out of the barrell but the Xbox unfroze, and Perfect Dark started playin again! Not only that but somehow he loaded custom soundtracks on there and LL COOL J started blaring.
So high out of our minds we all played into the night.