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Kotaku's opinion on the horrors of Advance Wars 1 + 2 Re-Boot Camp
- Thread starter Bragr
- Start date
Dick Jones
Gold Member
Thankfully that will be the end of that joke. I never wanted Nintendo to come after small fry as much as this. I stopped clicking on Kotaku's site when they showed CGI child porn images. That is real I swear to Christ.
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cornonthecrobb
Banned
fuck me are you serious
Dick Jones
Gold Member
Yeah. They had the original writer of Goodbye Volcano High (that's why the devs had to severely rework the story to erase her name from their product) write an article on Kotaku where the attached images included using a CGI image of underage Emma Watson (Hermione from Harry Potter) having sex. I was fucking disgusted with them for it.
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Lucifers Beard
Member
It must be absolutely fucking exhausting being a cunt all day every day and having to dig that deep into a cartoon war game to find pity for your units.
Kotacunts just cannot help themselves. Chuck them in the trash.
Kotacunts just cannot help themselves. Chuck them in the trash.
DareDaniel
Banned
These sjws are so eager to get offended it became a parody a long time ago.
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Cyberpunkd
Member
You realize both games look at war very differently?
kyussman
Member
I mean these people get paid to write stuff.......so they write stuff.The real issue is if anyone is reading it......mainsteam media is on the ropes,news sites that were worth billions are collapsing because people are going to other places for their news.Do I go to Kotaku for my gaming news and views......no,I come here.I value more what people around here have to say than some fucking soy infused pronoun using cunt on Kotaku.Hopefully all these sites will end up in the bin soon enough.
MrTroubleMaker
Member
KungFucius
King Snowflake
Yeah because people with different opinions that you deserve to be fired and have to suffer.
Dick Jones
Gold Member
It's like poetry it rhymes.
Black_Stride
do not tempt fate do not contrain Wonder Woman's thighs do not do not
Kotaku writers need help.
RoboFu
One of the green rats
As many people’s lives that they have tried to destroy… in this case I agree with him.
Ceadeus
Member
The author probably doesn't even know Chess to begin with.
The number of peons sacrificed in chess, freaking genocide!
RoboFu
One of the green rats
Nah … they did a full report on why white always going first is a sign of systemic racism in academic contest.
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GymWolf
Member
Not knowing if that is actually true or not make it even more funnier...
BlackTron
Member
Nintendo: We are going to delay the game, we are nervous, it might be twisted against us
Us: Boo dumb sensitive Nintendo it doesn't matter just release it
Media after Nintendo finally relents: MEAT GRINDER MEAT GRINDER MEAT GRINDER MEAT GRINDER MEAT GRINDER
Me: All this over a GBA title that looked better than the remake
Us: Boo dumb sensitive Nintendo it doesn't matter just release it
Media after Nintendo finally relents: MEAT GRINDER MEAT GRINDER MEAT GRINDER MEAT GRINDER MEAT GRINDER
Me: All this over a GBA title that looked better than the remake
Drizzlehell
Banned
God damn, how do these motherfuckers even manage to tie their shoe laces without having a mental breakdown?
Dick Jones
Gold Member
Kotaku writers using Cunt GPT
MudoSkills
Volcano High Alumnus (Cum Laude)
I have no idea who actually owns Kotaku and what their financial position/situation is, but the editorial staff must be sweating after Waypoint closed and the world somehow kept turning.
mcjmetroid
Member
Hey if it's a woke opinion no matter how batshit crazy it is. Kotaku's got you sorted!
Nintendo was still foolish here, had they done nothing nobody would have picked up on this. Kotaku wouldn't even have thought of this if it wasn't delayed, they're not that creative.
RagnarokIV
Battlebus imprisoning me \m/ >.< \m/
Mental shit.
Like the ones who write mini essays on Tom Nook from Animal Crossing being a right-wing fascist capitalist.
Like the ones who write mini essays on Tom Nook from Animal Crossing being a right-wing fascist capitalist.
Nicktendo86
Member
The fuck are they on about?
DownLikeBCPowder
Member
Article sounds like bullshit, but wtf have they done to the character portraits? Looks awful.
Needlecrash
Member
Kotaku staff needs to go outside and touch some grass.
Punished Miku
Human Rights Subscription Service
Kotaku is always ridiculous, but honestly some of these are thoughts I had when playing the game recently. I was surprised by how great the game is, and also surprised by how different it is compared to the typical SRPG Tactics / Fire Emblem model that's more common.
On multiple difficult missions, the only strategy I could come up with was to repeatedly generate soldiers to hold certain key positions, knowing that they basically could do zero damage to the units coming, but they were the cheapest unit to manufacture, and they would serve their purpose by buying me 1-2 turns getting killed so I could get enough resources together to build a tank. The game forces you to think (on a micro scale) about some of these decisions you may encounter in war. You decide to kill your own units, only for the purpose of saving some gold to buy something better. You don't hit retry until zero units die, or always emerge victorious without a scratch. The game is hard. The gameplay does stand out as being different, and a bit more ruthless than some SRPGs I'm used to.
EDIT - actually, reading the article, it doesn't even really go off the rails. They just said the game lacks narrative gravitas, and it absolutely does. You compare this to something like Valkyria Chronicles and it goes for a similar WW2 anime aesthetic, with cheery elements and bright colors, but has a much better story. Advance Wars has basically no story of note. That's pretty much all they said. The headline of the article literally summarizes their opinion with zero clickbait "tactically satisfying and narratively toothless." Both things are true.
On multiple difficult missions, the only strategy I could come up with was to repeatedly generate soldiers to hold certain key positions, knowing that they basically could do zero damage to the units coming, but they were the cheapest unit to manufacture, and they would serve their purpose by buying me 1-2 turns getting killed so I could get enough resources together to build a tank. The game forces you to think (on a micro scale) about some of these decisions you may encounter in war. You decide to kill your own units, only for the purpose of saving some gold to buy something better. You don't hit retry until zero units die, or always emerge victorious without a scratch. The game is hard. The gameplay does stand out as being different, and a bit more ruthless than some SRPGs I'm used to.
EDIT - actually, reading the article, it doesn't even really go off the rails. They just said the game lacks narrative gravitas, and it absolutely does. You compare this to something like Valkyria Chronicles and it goes for a similar WW2 anime aesthetic, with cheery elements and bright colors, but has a much better story. Advance Wars has basically no story of note. That's pretty much all they said. The headline of the article literally summarizes their opinion with zero clickbait "tactically satisfying and narratively toothless." Both things are true.
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SmokedMeat
Gamer™
My Pikmin are being EATEN!!! NOOOOOO!!!!
BlackTron
Member
I agree 100%. By reacting, Nintendo made it a thing to be exploited. On the other hand, it's some very, very low hanging fruit for Kotaku to exploit. Even by their embarrassing standards.
justiceiro
Marlboro: Other M
Unintended(?) comedy gold
AngelMuffin
Member
Is this satire?
Buggy Loop
Member
Why am I not surprised? There must be a correlation with furries/pedos and mental illness. He must be a mod at REEe
Buggy Loop
Member
https://games.peta.org/mario-kills-tanooki/
PETA way ahead of Kotaku
How this was not sued into oblivion until Nintendo owns the US government, I’ll never know..
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Ogbert
Member
What you have to understand about this sort of mindset is it actually betrays a total and utter lack of genuine understanding.
These dorks haven’t read any literature or history. They have no concept of authentic human suffering or pain, because they’re overgrown children.
Fucking tragic.
They’re also very, very thick.
These dorks haven’t read any literature or history. They have no concept of authentic human suffering or pain, because they’re overgrown children.
Fucking tragic.
They’re also very, very thick.
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Shifty1897
Member
Bingo. It's a desperation move. Trade journalistic integrity for outrage clicks, and Kotaku gets to live another day.
Guerilla Munch
Member
Sorry snowflakes, but everything they/them wrote is literally true, and don't even get me started on the prevalence of white cisheteronormative character tropes in the game. Problematic to say the least. Do better, Nintendo.
DO.
BETTER.
DO.
BETTER. 
TerribleAtThisGame
Member
I guess that's the hill Nintendo is really willing to die on here. Big Yikes. Is it really so hard to be a good person, to do better? I mean oof, not only does this game downplay war, colonialism, climate change, job loss, Waypoint's closure, LGBTQ+ concerns and any sort of social progress we've made in the past 6 months but just let it sink in how impossible it is to ignore that a game with the term "advance" in its title still pushes the agenda that cis, white, straight children exist and are willing to actually die on their hill of trans-child corpses to defend a fascism simulator. Trust me, as a non-binary ally to any and all virtuous social movements, I can empathize with being fodder for a metaphorical war machine that disregards my basic human rights on an hourly basis.
There is just so much to unpack here but one thing is for certain...
This
Ain't It Chief
There is just so much to unpack here but one thing is for certain...
This
Ain't It Chief
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TerribleAtThisGame
Member
Great minds think alike.Sorry snowflakes, but everything they/them wrote is literally true, and don't even get me started on the prevalence of white cisheteronormative character tropes in the game. Problematic to say the least. Do better, Nintendo.
DO.
hemo memo
You can't die before your death
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