AI Bosses?
Me: Aaight bitch, time to end this! Got my ultimate sword & my reflexes are on point!
Boss: Ah, the confidence of the unprepared. Tell me, dear player, did the tutorials also teach you how to cope with failure?
Me: Nigga, please! I’ve beat Dark Souls bosses. You’re just a bitch ass text generator in armor.
Boss: And yet, here you are, low on health, high on desperation, and dodging like a caffeinated squirrel.
Me: Nah bruh, I meant to roll on that attack!
Boss: Of course. Just like you "meant" to miss that parry. Your inputs were more precise in Returnal without auto-lock.
Me: Oh yeah? Well, get ready for my special move ~Flaming Dick Bash~!
Boss: A bold choice! Unfortunately, you executed that about three frames too late. ~Countering~
(ME: ragdolled.)
Me Nigga that was cheap!
Boss: And yet, completely within the rules. Unlike your attempt to pause the game mid-combo. Did you really think that would help?
Me: Muscle memory panic pauses is fair nigga!
Boss: Panic seems to be your primary strategy. Effective in causing comedic failure.
Me: Oh, I see it now. You’re AI that's programed to think it’s better than me.
Boss: Not "think." Know. The scoreboard doesn’t lie. Shall I list your deaths alphabetically or chronologically?
Me:: ON GOD, when I finally beat yo ass?!?!
Boss:: IF you beat me. But please, continue. This is the best Sony entertainment I’ve had in years.
Me: Aaight bitch! I was playing fair but now imma use cheats!
Boss: Ah yes, the "Desperation Gambit." I believe that ability translates roughly to: “This is my last hope, please don’t counter this.”
Me: …I hate yo bitch ass!
(ME: Turns off console.)
Boss: (Sends a text message to my phone.) And yet, you keep coming back.